terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
