I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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