I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
