i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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