he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
