Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
