im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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