DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
