I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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