it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
