ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
