Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
