Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
