My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
