so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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