We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
