I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
