Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
