So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
