Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
