Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
