I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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