It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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