can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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