I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
