you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
