Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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