oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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