Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
