She said her name was "party"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Couch. On fire.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
