a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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