How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
