I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
