She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
