so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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