If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
