Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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