I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
