I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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