I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Blood and glitter go together right?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
