there's paper in my vomit.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
