The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
