hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
