if i can run in heels then i can drive
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
