i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
