Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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