??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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