You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
