i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
