I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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