All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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