I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
