just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
