She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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